News of the Day

Usually in the morning, I check my e-mail and see what Yahoo! has on its front page, since it’s my default homepage. It usually has some fun stories, so I thought I’d share a few since I haven’t written that much recently. Think of it as SNL’s news segment, without the famous faces and laughs.

Boy Rescued After 6-Hour Dead Sea Ordeal

An eight-year-old Israeli boy was found alive floating in the Dead Sea after he was carried away by the current, unbeknownst to his father and two brothers. They were swimming at a remote part of the beach for ultra-Orthodox Jewish men, who do not bathe in the presence of women. His family exited the water and didn’t notice him missing until late in the day. Fortunately, the Dead Sea has such a high concentration of minerals that the boy was able to simply float along with the current until police found him two miles offshore.

Boy Feels "Ripped Off" By Cougar Attack

A twelve-year-old boy in Canada who was camping with a friends’ family had his vacation cut short when he was attacked by a mountain lion as he was headed to a restroom. The boy was on a five-day trip when the mountain lion attacked him. A man was able to pull the lion off the boy, but not before the boy suffered lacerations to his head and upper body. Fortunately, the boy is okay, but feels that he was cheated out of his vacation. I suppose the only thing that would’ve made it okay is if they let him shoot the damn thing when they found it.

Teen Falls Six Stories, Walks Away

Seventeen-year-old Matthew Savage fell six stories from his hotel balcony after trying to retrieve a bathing suit that a fallen from the eleventh story to the balcony above. Apparently, he hit a couple of other balconies on the way down, landed on a slanted rooftop, slid into bushes at the bottom of the hotel, thought nothing of it, and started walking back to his hotel room. Paramedics at the scene instead slapped him to a body board and took him to the hospital where it turned out he actually was fine.

Okay… I’m guessing that 1) the “bathing suit” was a bikini and 2) he got a great reward when he got back to the hotel. I am wondering, however, after this fall, skater Jake Brown’s fall at the X-Games, and biker Matt Hoffman’s subsequent miscue, what kind of shoes they’re all wearing. Cuz you know it’s got to be the shoes.

Bad Thai Cops to Endure Kitty Shame

Police officers in Thailand caught committing misdemeanors such as littering or arriving late will now be forced to remain at their division office for the duration of their shift and wear a “Hello Kitty” armband featuring Hello Kitty sitting atop two hearts. The officers will not be forced to wear the armband in public.

Indian Police Get to the Bottom of Necklace Case

A thief who was found to have swallowed a necklace he stole from a businessman’s wife was ordered by Indian police to remain on a diet of bananas until he produced the necklace. On advice from doctors to use the bananas as a laxative, police fed the accused thief fifty (50!) bananas to no avail. Finally, they fed him a meal of rice, chicken and bread which led him to pass the necklace on his fifth attempt. A sweeper was paid fifty rupees (ONE dollar) to fish the necklace out, and the thief was forced to clean the necklace for its appearance in court. I can’t believe they’d have him wash it but not pull it out of the toilet or whatever. Ew. And if some dude is willing to fish a necklace out of crap for a dollar in India, I'm not surprised that companies are outsourcing jobs there. That's seriously cheap labor.

I love the internet. Who needs tabloids? All I’m wondering now is how I can get paid finding crazy stories over the AP wire and posting them…